but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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