it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
