either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
two words...techno handjob
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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