I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
if only i could text you this smell
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
