he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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