Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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