i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
A+ Viking dick
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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