So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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