Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
