she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I need to sanitize my soul.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
