...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
