I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.