I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.