i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?