I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.