I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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