3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
