you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
