We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i've created a new STD.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
