Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
