I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
