remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
