Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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