u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
