one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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