I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
