Is it normal to miss your booty call?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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