just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
