I accidentally burped into my bong.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
