I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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