normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
