i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
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I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
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He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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