tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
