Whatcha textin bout Willis?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
