i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
