The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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