I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
