hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Everclear isn't food dammit
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
