Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just pee around me
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
