I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
