his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
