I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
