so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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