AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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