My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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