Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
