I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
