Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
