her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
