I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
