the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
