The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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