I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
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I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
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if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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