I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
