Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
