the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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