**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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