its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
