He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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