He uses pillows to masturbate.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
