sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Never underestimate the power of titties
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
