If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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