the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
