I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
