I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
