So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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