She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
