Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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