hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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