I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
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First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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