its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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