my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
