I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
